


Someone to stay

by raging_fire



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Mates, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 02:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15402981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raging_fire/pseuds/raging_fire
Summary: A look into Nesta’s mind. When she’s drowning in her own dark thoughts after an attack from Hybern, Cassian is right there to pull her out.





	Someone to stay

 

The raindrops kept hitting her window with a force that might’ve shattered them, were it not for the wards that protected the house. She kept watching them flood the city, ruining and yet creating new life — how fascinating it was.

 

Truth to be told, at this point almost anything was fascinating to her.

 

The weather had been shitty for days now. Windy and chilly enough that she started wearing the warmest sweaters she could find, and even then she still managed to get cold during the night. Starting the fire on her own was still a little tricky, but given that she was alone and there was no one there to help pushed her to try harder. In the end, it paid off.

 

She turned on her back and watched the white ceiling of her room. For how long has she been here? When was the last time she saw a face, smiled, laughed a little? Too long, probably. Long enough for the others to get bored and move on with their lives.

 

Nesta tried, she really did. She pretended to move on, to overcome her fears and to accept the fact that nothing was the same anymore. A relatively big part of her did just that, but then there were the things that still triggered her and pushed her in this state — one which was hard to get out of. One she couldn’t really explain to anyone.

 

How do you explain that you’re lonely, even though there are people who try to get you out of that state? How do you mend a part of yourself that’s broken, even though you don’t know which one?

 

How do you stop a flood, if you don’t know its source?

 

But she made her peace with it. She’d get over her thoughts on her own, eventually, but she needed time for that. Time and courage.

 

So she grasped whatever courage she could find in her heart, and stood up.

 

Maybe it was time for a change of scenery.

 

* * *

 

The rain had stopped by the time Nesta finished getting dressed and left the townhouse. Lucky for her, no one was home to get excited about the fact that she finally got out of her room. They all knew that she isolated herself after a new attack occurred and brought disorder in their city. A handful of Hybernian soldiers who were still angry about their King’s demise craved revenge. They didn’t manage to hurt anyone except a few buildings, but the things they’d said, the promises they’d made to hunt and hurt her for the things she’s done... Nesta didn’t want to admit it, but they got to her. They troubled her.

 

She stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked on the wet streets with no destination in mind. One by one, the Fae exited their homes and went on with their day, the vendors bringing back their carts and the laughter filling the streets once more. Velaris truly was a place of peace and joy — despite what they went through, they still found it in their hearts to laugh. To embrace life and to cherish every moment of it.

 

It was sometimes hard for her to do the same.

 

She passed a well-known tavern and heard booming laughs. A familiar warmth filled her chest and made her falter her steps, made her breathe more easily. Gone were the feard, the irrational thoughts that plagued her mind when she heard a certain obnoxious laugh.

 

Which is exactly why she turned the other way and hurried her steps.

 

No way in hell would she go through this today. It would not only ruin her already bad mood, but she knew she’d get a terrible headache by the end of it.

 

So Nesta continued her walk and didn’t think about the Illyrian who overwhelmed and captivated her so much.

 

* * *

 

The echo of her presence filled him with such wonder and amazement that he left the tavern at once. Could it be true? Did she truly left the house?

 

Hopeful thoughts ran through Cassian’s mind as he looked down the streets and tried to spot Nesta. He tried to talk to her several times during the last weeks and although they still bickered, Cassian felt her ease up to him. There were no more icy glares, no more hurtful words that were intended to shove him further away. Only reluctance and something else — something that made him just as nervous as she was.

 

He took a deep breath and used his senses to trace her. Hundreds of scents were getting in the way, but for him, Nesta's was the most powerful. Trusting himself, Cassian walked towards her direction and prayed that she wasn't about to go home. He wanted to make sure that she was fine, that the attack didn't scare her off as much as the others thought.

 

A breath of relief left his mouth as he spotted her. Wearing a scarlet cloak and her hair unbound, Cassian almost stumbled at the sight of her. Gods, she was beyond beautiful. Sometimes he wondered if she wasn't a goddess in a Fae's skin. She was leaning on the edge of a bridge across the Sidra and watched as the sun set right in front of her. To others, she might have looked serene, almost at peace, but Cassian saw the sadness in her eyes and felt the anxiety rolling off of her in waves. It cleaved his soul in two.

 

Leaving her alone was probably the smart thing to do. She obviously wanted to be alone, but maybe... maybe that wasn't the reason she left the house. Maybe this was a cry of help that no one bothered to decipher.

 

Cassian approached her and swore that his heart warmed at their proximity. Nesta must've felt the same, because by the time she turned her head towards him, Cassian was already grinning.

 

"Well, this is a nice surprise. Out for a stroll?"

 

Nesta raised her eyebrows at him, annoyed. Better than sadness, anyway.

 

"No, I was planning on drowning myself in the Sidra, but you're getting in my way," she replied, her words laced with sarcasm. Good.

 

"I certainly hope not, because I'm in no mood of swimming in that cold water to get you out and then scold you."

 

Nesta didn't say anything when he leaned on the bridge right next to her.

 

"I haven't seen you these days. I know that what happened wasn't pleasant at all, but if you need to talk..."

 

_If you need to talk, I'm here for you. I'll always be here._

 

Nesta faced him with startling stormy eyes.

 

"Will it ever be over?"

 

Cassian's heart sank. He hated that she went through everything that she did, hated that the War scarred her like that and left her so scared. He blamed himself for not protecting her like he swore he would -- maybe if he did, Nesta wouldn't have gone through this.

 

"For the world, it is," he quietly said. "But for us, for those who have fought in it... It will take longer. Especially when we shut others out."

 

_Let me help you. Let me be there for you. I need you too._

 

Cassian conveyed all those words through his feelings and prayed that she could feel them, read them in his eyes. Sometimes he was no better than her when it came to words.

 

“For you it might be easy to let others in, but—“

 

“It’s not, Nesta,” he interrupted her. “You know how I grew up and what I am. Letting people in was always a trial for me. But with you, I’m more than willing to try.”

 

Under any other circumstances, Nesta’s shock would have made him laugh himself hoarse, but right now... it made him glad and sad at the same time. Glad that she wasn’t opposed to that idea and sad that probably not many people let her in, too.

 

“Alright,” she whispered, not taking her eyes off him. “Let’s try.”

 

A smile bloomed on his face. There was hope in her eyes — hope that reappeared in his chest, too.

 

“Let’s go for a walk, then. There are still many places in Velaris that you must see.”

 

When Cassian offered Nesta his arms and she took it, he thought he was imagining things. Nesta Archeron, the woman he cared about so much, finally letting him in.

 

He would not waste that chance.

 

* * *

 

Small faelights were twinkling above their heads as they walked in the busiest part of the Rainbow. Even though it was late and the sun had set hours ago, the people of Velaris didn't pay any attention to that. The restaurants were full, the artists were painting in the streets for the whole world to watch and there were even some magicians who played tricks for the little ones. Nesta was so enthralled by it all that for once, she didn't mind being in a crowd.

 

"I want to show you something," Cassian said, interrupting her thoughts.

 

"Show me what?" she asked.

 

Cassian cocked an eyebrow at her and crossed his arms.

 

"You really love knowing everything, don't you?"

 

"I'm surprised you even have to ask."

 

A smile. "Come on," he said. "You'll love it."

 

Nesta let Cassian lead the way through the small, lively streets. The music was getting louder and louder, though it was not the same as the one from the taverns or restaurants. No, this was more folkloric and elegant, reminding her of great orchestras and royal balls that she had read about. Before she could ask Cassian what it was, he rounded a corner and stopped, making her stumble.

 

"You--"

 

She stopped.

 

"Holy gods," she breathed, unable to hide her shock.

 

The crowd murmured in anticipation as a dozen female dancers with formidable white dresses and intricate make-up formed a circle in the middle of the town square. Their puffed up dressed showed off muscled yet delicate legs, with pointy shoes that looked more suitable for dolls. As soon as the crowd fell silent and the dancers assembled, the music began.

 

And, as one, they moved.

 

Nesta had never seen a group of females dance so beautifully, as if they were flowing through the air. The rhythm of the music was slow-paced and she watched as they swirled and twirled and jumped with such grace and precision that it blew her away. One of them, a petite yet fierce-looking girl, seemed to be leading the others as the climax of the song approached; moving like quicksilver and smiling with ecstasy. Divine, ethereal, exquisite. She never saw something like that in all her life.

 

When the climax of the song arrived, the dancers clasped hands and began a different sort of dance; one that she could decipher, if she paid attention. They played it in the human realms, too.

 

She smiled in awe when the dancers encouraged the younglings to take their hands and dance with them. It didn't take long for the older Fae to follow suit, forming circles and circles of different dances and styles. They all looked so merry, so alive and happy to be there. It filled her heart with so much warmth that she could hardly breathe.

 

She thought that after Hybern, all hope was lost.

 

She was so, _so_ wrong to believe that.

 

Nesta didn't mind when Cassian took her hands in his and gently squeezed it, as if he understood.

 

"They're all fine," she whispered, still not believing her eyes. "No one was hurt."

 

"No, sweetheart. They're all fine."

 

Those words made something inside her click. _Fine, fine, fine._ They were fine, and she was fine, and Cassian and her sisters were fine -- they all got out.

 

Before she could think twice, Nesta pulled Cassian in an embrace so tight that he groaned a bit, but hugged her right back. All those bottled feelings and miserythat drowned her and dragged her started leaving her as she cried and cried and cried, not caring how open or vulnerable or raw she was. She needed to get it all out.

 

"It's okay, Nes. I'm here. Everything is fine."

 

She didn't protest when he took her in his arms and shot into the skies with inhuman speed. The further they flew, the harder she cried. There was no one else to judge her up here, no one to call her weak or stupid for letting her guard down. Cassian stroked her hair and rubbed her back, encouraging her to let it all out -- to scream as loudly as she wanted to.

 

So she did.

 

By the time they reached the House of Wind, Nesta's throat was sore, but a weight had been lifted from her chest.

 

Cassian put her down with surprising care, but didn't remove his hands from her back. His warmth made her want to climb back into his arms and stay there for a little while.

 

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, concern shining in his bright eyes.

 

Nesta nodded, offering him a smile.

 

"Thank you."

 

"You don't have to thank me for that, sweetheart," he said with a grin, though it was less mischievous than usual. "I'm always here if you need me."

 

She knew that. Cassian would always be there for her, just as she would always be there for him -- but did he know that?

 

"Will you stay with me? For a while?" she dared ask.

 

A soft smile replaced his grin as he took Nesta's hand in his once again, then brought it up to his lips and pressed a warm kiss on her knuckles. Nesta's heart threatened to burst out of her chest.

 

"Of course I will. How can I miss the opportunity of spending quality time with you?"

 

She bit back a laugh.

 

"Don't get your hopes up. You know that misery loves company," she said.

 

They approached the glass doors of one of the entrances, their hands still entwined.

 

"Trust me, sweetheart, my company will make your misery turn into joy in a matter of moments."

 

"You really do think highly of yourself."

 

"Oh, you have no idea," he laughed.

 

There was no one in the House to welcome them, which made Nesta much more comfortable. She laid on one of the couches from the lounging room as Cassian made a quick stop to his room to change out of his flying leathers, then returned right when she was folding herself in a fuzzy blanket.

 

"Are you cold?" he asked, eyeing her curiously.

 

"Just a bit," she lied, pulling the blanket tighter against herself. Maybe the crying and flying wore her down a bit.

 

Cassian motioned for her to move over and she did, but not before she cursed him for making her move. He sat on the edge of the couch and reached for her, but stopped himself.

 

Nesta didn't miss the hint of wariness and question as he re-thought whatever he intended to do.

 

"Can..." he swallowed once, twice. Nesta had never seen him so nervous. "Can I hold you?"

 

Nesta had to bit her cheek to keep from either crying or smiling. She'd seen him during battle, all bloody and bruised and full of rage; she'd seen him bantering with his brothers and being all cocky; she'd seen him during his quiet moments, which were rare indeed, but none rarer than this -- none when he looked just as lost and vulnerable as she felt.

 

"I'd like that," she smiled.

 

The idiot's smile could outshine the sun itself. His arms were around her as soon as she scooted over, pulling her to his chest and resting his chin on the top of her head. This, she thought, this was what peace looked like. Felt like. And she couldn't quite believe that it was true.

 

"I sometimes believe that this is all just a dream," he confessed, running his fingers through her hair. "That we got out and were given a second chance."

 

"Did you expect this," she gestured to themselves, all tangled up, "to happen?"

 

Her breath hitched when Cassian cupped her chin and made her look up to him. They were so close that if she moved just a bit up, she could--

 

"Yes," he said. "This may sound foolish, but I knew from the moment that you first insulted me and didn't bat an eyelash that we would end up like this."

 

"And do you regret it?" Nesta asked as she ran a finger on his collarbone, then his cheek, enjoying the way he tensed up under her touch.

 

Cassian leaned in until their foreheads were touching. His broad hand covered hers on his cheek and Nesta swore that her heart stopped beating altogether.

 

"You are the greatest thing that has happened to me, Nes," he confessed. "On that day, I thought that I would lose you before I even had the chance to tell you everything. And now that I was given a second chance, there's no way in hell that I'm going to waste it."

 

A tear slipped down her cheek.

 

Before he had time to say more, Nesta pressed her lips to his and trembled at the strong feelings that overwhelmed her. His pulled her closer to him, cradling her cheek, kissing her back with just as much passion and unspoken feelings as she did.

 

For so long, Nesta had been on her own. Alone and scared and shut out from the world. Forced to endure their harsh words when she could no longer mix in with them.

 

But that was over.

 

A sweet, tingling sensation arose in the pit of her stomach when Cassian slowly kissed her neck. It reminded her of that they in the human realms, when she kneed him in the balls for being so daring and assumptive with her.

 

Now she couldn't imagine being parted from him again.

 

They kissed and touched each other until their lips were swollen red and were out of air. Stopping was a challenge, because Nesta wanted more and Cassian seemed more than eager to comply to her needs and yet-- yet she didn't want to rush into anything. Being there with him and holding him was more than she dared to hope for.

 

She cupped his cheeks in her palms and gave him a peck on the lips.

 

"I want to have you to myself for the rest of our lives."

 

He reached up and pulled at one of her curls, smirking like Death itself.

 

"That can be easily arranged, sweetheart."

 

In that moment, Nesta knew that there was no way in hell that she'd ever let him go. They had to work through so many things and come at terms with their pasts, but doing it together seemed better than on their own.

 

They stayed in each other's arms for what seemed like forever, talking and opening up to each other without fear or shame. Nesta felt like herself more than ever in his presence, and didn't falter when she told him everything that had been eating at her for years now. His presence was more than comforting for her. While he stroked her hair and found numerous ways to touch her, Cassian told her all about his childhood and teen years, how it was like to grow up in a war camp and befriend the heir of the Night Court's throne and the notorious shadowsinger. The love he had for them was so obvious that it made her beam at him.

 

Right before dawn broke and Nesta fell asleep, she watched him between heavy lashes; and smiled with such wonder at the Illyrian that slept so peacefully under her. He seemed to be just as calm as she felt to be held by the other.

 

This was certainly a new world; one where she no longer had to be alone.


End file.
